Sensible things to do in office....

1) Always indicate the correct status in all your messengers.
You never know when your manager gets in to your cubicle to discuss a few things,
and your bloody god damned friend continues the conversation regarding how obnoxious your manager is...
Well if the manager is a real sport and a good guy....Like mine is,it would never be a problemm.
We have to accept the fact that nobody would love to hear the truth when it smells like shit.

2)Always put your phone in silent mode when your taking a shit.
Its nobody's right to know how your stomach is feeling on any given day....
Imagine if your flaunting your new ringtone all over the office and that turns out to be your waterLOO...Well literally...It would be like tomato puree splattered all over your face and you not liking it one bit.

3)If your stomach is not feeling great on any given day,dont use the elevator.
Remember they are elevators and not airlines....so you dont get any oxygen masks here.
Also clean,fresh air is every citizens birth right.
let people breathe easy inside and of course,if you take the stairs your indigestion might well be a thing of the past.

4)Hoping for good food in office is a crime
The caterer is out there to make a few good bucks.
Its not a marriage or some ceremony where the host takes extra care to make sure that the food is edible and enjoyable.
Let business logic and common sense prevail over foolish expectations.